I just got back from Upstate New York and I must admit that this was one of the hardest trips I’ve ever had to make. We went upstate to bury Geoff’s little brother, John. He died a few weeks ago and since then I’ve just been trying to occupy my mind so that I don’t think about it too much. It is so overwhelming. He died so young, just 44. It made me feel fragile — about my life, about Geoff’s life, about everyone around me. Life feels so uncertain. I guess it never was certain.
I’ve been reading Aeschylus’ plays because RFK read them after his brother died. It seemed to give him comfort. That’s why he was able to quote from Aeschylus after MLK was killed. I found a video of the speech on YouTube. (You can see RFK stop at the word “despair” because he changed the word from “despite.” It was a powerful interpretive touch.)
Aeschylus in Robert F. Kennedy’s speech:
In our sleep, pain which cannot forget
falls drop by drop upon the heart until,
in our own despair,
against our will,
comes wisdom
through the awful grace of God.
I’ve been trying to understand what it all means. Against our will, comes wisdom, I can only hope so. I don’t feel very wise. I created the memorial website for John, mostly as a holding place for the slide show that his Mom asked me to create to be shown at the Memorial Service. It was more of a Memorial Gathering. Making the slide show took a lot out of me. I cried and cried while making it. But I was so honored that the family would want me to do it. I really felt like part of the family during all this. I guess this is the the awful grace of God at work.
Anyway, that’s all I have for today. Feeling kinda raw. Feeling kinda tired.
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